The positive points are as follows: Use of proper formatting. Components such as the letterhead, date, recipient’s name and address, salutation, signature, sender’s name and designation have been included in the letter. Moreover the letter is clear, concise, coherent and complete with the main idea being brought across clealy. Last, the letter is short and not too wordy.
The negative points include improper salutation. It should be written as ‘Dear Mr. Madzel’ instead of ‘Dear Rich’. It also lack a subject line. It would sound more formal if ‘Yours sincerely’ is used instead of ‘Goodluck’. Finally the tone of the letter is quite informal because of phrases like ‘kept our nerves under control’.
Ways to improve the letter are as such: The second paragraph could be re-written as: We faced numerous uncertainties when we decided to sell our business. Your guidance has really helped us along the way. In addition the third paragraph could be re-written as: The number of potential buyers who turned up was higher than expected. We are impressed that you delivered more than you promised. The planning and preparation you brought us through certainly did not go to waste. The last sentence could be re-written as: We sincerely appreciate your enthusiasm in helping us sell our business.
The negative points include improper salutation. It should be written as ‘Dear Mr. Madzel’ instead of ‘Dear Rich’. It also lack a subject line. It would sound more formal if ‘Yours sincerely’ is used instead of ‘Goodluck’. Finally the tone of the letter is quite informal because of phrases like ‘kept our nerves under control’.
Ways to improve the letter are as such: The second paragraph could be re-written as: We faced numerous uncertainties when we decided to sell our business. Your guidance has really helped us along the way. In addition the third paragraph could be re-written as: The number of potential buyers who turned up was higher than expected. We are impressed that you delivered more than you promised. The planning and preparation you brought us through certainly did not go to waste. The last sentence could be re-written as: We sincerely appreciate your enthusiasm in helping us sell our business.
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ReplyDeleteI believe that this is a letter of appreciation from a well established company. The letter will not invoke boredom to the reader as it is short. However, I have to disagree with Joyce that the sender explains clearly on his points.
ReplyDeleteQuoting from the sentence "you did exactly what... and EVEN MORE", the words in block letters beg for more clarity. Are they referring to specific actions which brings benefit to the company? What might be the exact actions that the recipient did? These are some questions which will probably circulate around the reader's mind.
Adding on to Joyce's points, this was supposed to be a formal letter as it was written by the company's president on behalf of his company. The closing paragraph, along with the exclamation mark, appears to be absolutely informal. The sender could have actually signed off with this statement, "Thank you for your valuable assistance and we hope for future collaborations with you."
I agree with you that the formatting of the letter seems correct, save for the lack of subject line and improper salutation.
ReplyDeleteI think you are being polite when you said the letter is "quite informal". The tone, beginning from paragraph 2 is very informal: It is as if Mr. Harvey is speaking to Mr. Madzel over lunch.
In addition, I think the last sentence or last paragrapgh has a somewhat sarcastic connotation. However, since I do not know the exact situation, I cannot be sure. Nevertheless, I suppose that it is best to avoid being sarcastic in an appreciation letter, even if the writer knows the recipient very well.
Other than this last sentence, your corrections are very well done.
I will say that this letter lacks formality. Since this letter is for someone of authority, I think the author should use more polite wording and a more appropriate tone.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Jackson that the last sentence is kind of sarcastic . It does not make the letter add any weight or clarity to the letter. Thus I will recommend that author not to include that last sentence.
I agree with Jackson and Pinxuan that the last sentence sounds quite sarcastic when the author mentioned that "Some days we thought you wanted to sell the business more than we did!"
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I also think that this letter supposed to be a formal letter since it was sent out in the name of a company "Professional Training System Inc". Maybe the author is very close to the recipient of this letter, thus he tends to use a more friendly tone. But on the other hand, this statement contradicts with the sarcastic tone of the last sentence in this letter. So what I can say is the tone used in this letter is inappropriate indeed.
Besides that, it was not stated clearly what kind of excellent job that has been done by the recipient actually, which makes the author and his colleagues gave him such a high appreciation. Apart from that, the author was trying to compare the recipient with the other brokers who has worked with them in the previous year. I don't think it's good to show any bias or back-stab other people in a formal letter like this.